The Starfish

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching.  As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea.  The boy came closer still and the man called out, ”Good morning!  May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”
The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

adapted from The Star Thrower, by Loren Eiseley

Day 28 - Beautiful Things

 "Beautiful Things" by Gungor



Have you ever been in a place in your life when you had no idea what lies ahead of you and all you can do is put your trust in the Lord?

About two weeks ago, I was in that place.  The place of uncertainty, anxiety, confusion, and doubt.  I was planning my graduation from the University of Cincinnati's graduate school of Social Work.  I was reaching that point when finally all these years of education have finally come to an end.  And I was asking myself "now what?"  I have been in school since I was five years of age.  I have had a few part time jobs here and there.  I have also had my practicum placements for social work.  Yet I have never had a full job before.  I had a moment when I realized all this hard work, all the long hours studying, writing, reading, and learning has finally come to an end.  And now I must put all this knowledge to use for the common good. Ekk.. that's huge!

So I started where any college grad would start:  I searched for jobs; anything and everything that met my qualifications.  I became completely discouraged.  I went on two job interviews and didn't get either of the positions. Not that I completely passionate about getting those jobs anyway.  I really wanted to be a school social worker and there were no positions available.

And then all it came down to was God.  I completely handed my future over to Him.  I said to God, "I don't know what lies ahead of me, but God my future is Yours.  I trust You more than I trust myself with my future, because You know what's best for me."  God simply replied giving me a peaceful heart and a reminder to remain patient because He would do things in His own time.

About a week later, I ran into a school social worker at the school I worked.  We had barely spoken to each other before this point in time.  We discussed my graduation and job prospects.  Before I knew it she was recruiting me for a school social worker position at a nearby charter school.  She had this job lined up for herself and it didn't work out.  She highly recommended me to the principal putting her reputation on the line, told me that she would train me over the summer, and said she would be my mentor during the school year.  Most of all she told me she was a Christian!  I immediately told her I was praying for a job and this one just fell into place.  "It was an opportunity of opportunities," I told her, "It was a miracle I came across this position and you are my angel."

Right before I went on the interview for the position, I was nervous.  I arrived to the interview early and sat in my car for a few minutes praying asking God for courage, strength, and light.  During my prayer, "Beautiful Things" by Gungor came on the radio.  It was the first time I had heard the song.  And I kept hearing "You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us" repeating through my speakers.  A flood of emotions swept over me.  I was at a moment with God when my family's history of abuse and depression flashed before my eyes.  Then I flashed to the person I have become because of God.  I was sitting in a car with my resume listing all of my accomplishments: Master's Degree, School Social Worker License, Social Work License, Bachelor's Degree Summa Cum Laude.  All of these beautiful things God had blessed me with prepared me for that moment in time to interview for a school social worker position to change, inspire, and impact the lives of hundreds of children.  God had truly made beautiful things out of the dust of me.  I got out of that car confident in who I am because of the Lord.

Day 27 - God's Dream for Me

Do you ever have those moments when you feel like God is trying to send you a sign or a message telling you something? Sometimes it appears in symbols that have meaning to you.  Often I'll say a prayer and then find it answered by a song.  And I'll feel it in my soul and in my heart that God is talking to me.

To me, this song "Family Tree" by Matthew West, is God's voice answering my prayers.  I have been struggling with my past, especially the past of my family.  I've been trying to understand what that means for me.  I ask God:
"Will I be depressed like my mother was?"
"Will I be abusive like my father was? and my father's father was?"
"Will my marriage end in divorce like my parents did?"

And with urgency,  love, and devotion to me, God replies, "NO! This is not your legacy. This is not what you're meant you be.  I can break the chains that bind you."

God has given me a vision of the beautiful woman he has created me to be, not defined by my family tree.  I am a daughter of God and a part of  God's legacy of love.  He has a dream for me that is better than where I've been.  I'm going to find real love and change the course of generations!

I am only defined by my family tree if I let my family tree define me.  I need to rewrite my story to be God's story for my life and what he has dreamed for me.

Day 26 - Simply Flowers

"A life without loving you is like a year without summer."

Who knew how much flowers could brighten a room? a day? every morning? and my heart? 

Is it just me, or has this winter felt like one of the longest?  I miss the sun shining and flowers blooming and blue skies and green grass and birds singing! I absolutely cannot wait for spring! I feel it is coming soon.

I received these flowers from my wonderful Valentine :) It is such a warm blessing waking up every morning to my daisies reminding me not only of my boyfriend's love for me, but the beauty God has created simply in flowers.  It is amazing how a simple thing like flowers can brighten up my days.

Cherish the simple things today my friends and remember that you are loved!

Day 25 - A Young Heart

“I am done with great things and big plans, great institutions and big success. I am for those tiny, invisible loving human forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets or like the capillary oozing of water, which, if given time, will rent the hardest monuments of pride.”

-William James

Today, I was working another day at an urban city school. I am practicing to be a school social worker and I have the privilege of doing a character building group with several nine year old girls.

The theme of the group lesson today was "dealing with disappointment." Each of the kids shared how they deal with disappointment... from going outside... to taking a bubble bath... to reading a book... to playing a board game with their mom.

One of the activities I had planned during group time was to have the kids anonymously write on a slip of paper something that they were going through that made them feel disappointed.

Each child took the time to write their struggle. I collected and redistributed the slips of paper so that the girls got an anonymous struggle to read aloud and offer a suggestion on how to deal with the disappointment.

This one sweet girl Janella in the group read the anonymous slip of paper aloud. Janella read, "I feel like I have failed at happyness, because I moved to this school and do not have any friends." Janella somehow knew exactly whose story this was, Amiah. She quickly told Amiah that she knew what it was like to be the new girl in school too. She spoke to Amiah "When I was the new girl in school I was bullied and felt lonely too.  I want to tell Amiah that I want to be her friend, so that she doesn't feel lonely anymore."

Soon all the girls in the group followed Janella's lead; they all exchanged phone numbers and promised to be friends at school.

At this moment in time, I felt that I was truly making a difference. It occurred to me that in order to change the world, I didn't have to have big plans or big successes. All I have to do is tiny, invisible acts of love that open the door for others to love. I felt a sense of pride today that I opened the door of friendship for these young girls. I imagine and hope that many years down the road Janella and Amiah are still friends, because I provided an environment for them to be open and honest with one another.

*Names have been changed to keep the information confidential.

Day 24 - Your Story

Hey everyone... I know it's been a while since I posted and I have much to share with you but little time.  I started graduate school and I've been really busy.  I'll be back on in about a week to share some more amazing stories of what I have seen God doing in my life.  :) I love you all!

I wanted to share this song with you I heard on the KLove radio station the other day.  The artist Matthew West was on the talk about his up coming album that is coming out that is written based on stories of people like you and me submitted to him.  These are stories of people's struggles, pain, obstacles, and tribulations in relation to God.  I cannot wait for it to come out.  Please take a listen to this song, it gives hope to women that have been abused and sexually molested.  It's not the full version, but the live version because it is not out yet.

Matthew West - Story of a Broken Girl

God bless you all!

Day 23 - Giving Love

"O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."  

-St. Francis of Assisi

So recently I've been so very concerned about my relationship with my boyfriend; concerned that he does not possess all the things that I need.  Is he strong enough in his faith to keep mine strong?  Does he consume his time focused on things that I also care about?  Does he have the same interests as me?  Soon I found myself in a spiral of thoughts convincing myself that my boyfriend is not good enough for me.  In this tornado of negative thoughts, I kept digging myself deeper and deeper into thoughts of things he should be doing for me.  I can imagine how I am driving him crazy telling him all these things he needs to be for me!  How self-consumed I have become!!

Today God spoke to my heart and I discovered that I have been asking all the wrong questions.  I should be asking: "How can my faith benefit him?"; "What can I do to focus on the things that he likes?";  "What can I show interest in that he is interested in?";  "Am I being good enough for him?"

So from now on, I will put him before myself.  Providing him with understanding and love. And asking him, "What can I do today to make you happy?"  And giving him a hug for free, not looking for anything in return.